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STOP and Breathe! by Mary McGovern, LCSW


Ever overwhelmed by fear/panic, anger, too much stimulation, or even sadness? Breathe. 


“Take a deep breath” is actually – physiologically – the first, most important thing we can do when we feel a powerful emotion arise. Why?  Because the physical act of a taking a deep breath – with a long slow exhale - stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural “de-escalation” system. It turns down our “flight-fright- freeze” instinct – and signals instead that we are safe. It stops the release of the cortisol and adrenaline that make our heart race, our breath become shallow, our muscles tense, and our thoughts either hyperfocus or become foggy. Most important it allow us to access our pre-frontal cortex – the part of our brain that can analyze, solve problems, and make thoughtful decisions. Bringing our “logical brain” back online is the first step to assessing what we really need in the moment.


A first-line mental health tool for responding to distress is the STOP practice. The steps are simple:




  •   The minute you notice yourself becoming upset, stop what you are doing and thinking. Usually at this point our thoughts are racing – often in unhelpful ways -  in response to our situation. Interrupt them. And interrupt any impulses to act; often, actions taken in the heat of emotion don’t serve us.

  • T (Take a Breath – or two or three!): As noted above, deep, slow breathing calms our nervous system and supports us in perceiving and thinking more rationally. 

  • O (Observe): Literally observe your surroundings: look all around, including behind you. Notice the colors, shapes, and smells. Notice any people around you and what they are doing.  Orienting to our environment also promotes a sense of safety, as our brain takes in the fact that there are no immediate physical threats to us.* Then – observe yourself.  What are you feeling?  What do you need? What feels like the next most helpful thing to do to take care of yourself and the situation?

  • P (Proceed): After you have taken the moment(s) to calm yourself and consider what is needed, then you can proceed with whatever next step seems right. 


The STOP practice can be completed in under a minute – or you can take several minutes.  Unless you are in immediate danger or the midst of a physical emergency*, we can always afford a few minutes to pause.  Experiment with it in low stakes situations – maybe next time you feel impatient or harried in line at the grocery store. Or when you’ve lost your keys/phone - or are irritated with a friend or family member.  Calming ourselves even a little can help us make more effective decisions that align with our values. It’s well worth the time. 


*Caveat – in the rare instances when we actually ARE in imminent danger – or the midst of a physical crisis – RUN (or otherwise let your instincts guide you to safety). Our fight/flight impulse has evolved to help us in just those situations. 


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